Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
