You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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