dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
