A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
