I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
