Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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