I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
