is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
