she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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