I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
