you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
