If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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