Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
