I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
