Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
