I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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