Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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