Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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