i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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