Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
