just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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