At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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