he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
