I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
