Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
