Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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