I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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