Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
