i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
