What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
FUCK WHALES
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