if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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