My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
