apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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