Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
