That's intense
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
