i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I forget how to act sober
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
