I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
