i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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