dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
