my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
