If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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