Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
