I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
