so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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