You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
