its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
