Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
