Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
