He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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