I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
